Married to Pain

Absentmindedly.
That is the theme of the past few days.
And this morning, without thinking
I put my big crystal ring on my "wedding ring" finger.

The pain shot through me!
I forgot about the cut...
Where glass sliced like Reality (but with more blood)

The sound of glass
Shattering hopes and dreams
realities that seemed
so possible

Are they still?
Will this finger always be taken
By a stone of protection?
My affection for All
Safe and from a distance...

So I can never fall from the height of Love's tower.
Walls that I thought crumbled
Somehow gained more power

After that last love-attempt
"Shot through the Heart"
Song resounding in my mind
As the X-ray machine tries to find
If anything was broken by the blow
The one that did throw me across the room.

Healing will come when it does.
Never quite as soon
As I might hope.

A scar will form in the place of a ring.
Reminding of the consequences of my commitment to pain.
Wounds can heal, but scars never go.
It is time for me to begin to know.
It wasn't my fault. I did nothing wrong.
Forgiveness sets me free, like I have been all along.