Thursday 26 February 2015

I Am Powerful

I Am... Fill in the blank. These statements of claiming who and what we are. My dear beloved friend Megan did a Phoenix Rising yoga therapy session with me, to me, on me. At the end she asked that I listen to the deep wisdom within me and then to make an affirmation. And "I Am" statement. The session had been profound and filled with release and shifting energies. As I sat, listening to the guide inside, I first heard the ego saying things. Quickly and uncertainly. Then the still, steady voice rose from beneath the chatter. "I am powerful." My entire body tingles. A lump in my throat. Tears start to fall. No. Not that. I'll say anything out loud except for that. Witness that reaction! Wow. I did say it. Through tears. And Megan held safe sacred space for me. She is powerful too.

So what is this intense fear of my own power? I remember the first time I ever came across the Marianne Williamson quotation. You know the one?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

It was my first year of treeplanting and someone had written this quotation on the outhouse wall. The red one. I think it was beautiful, powerful Kate, but I didn't know her so well yet. Only later would we begin writing the score for our amazing musical/documentary entitled Slash Dance. "Who decides, if the trees will make it through the night?" And of course, "The homosexual...dandy!" And other great song and dance numbers...it would be a fucking cult classic. We still have to make that dream a reality. But I digress.

The first time I saw that quotation, it struck me deep. It was true. It was so true for me. And inspiring. If I let my own light shine, it gives others permission to to the same. Liberation. We are all walking around, "half-dust, half-deity" (Lord Byron). Divinity in you. In me. Let your light shine. Like the kids song!

I wrote a poem. It includes a vision I had, a genetic memory, if you will. Ancestral twine, bound tight. No more fright. I am bringing it to the light. Now.

I AM Powerful

It is dark now. In here.
Damp and cold. Nothing left to fear. 
They are gone. Taken.
Leaving me in a state far beyond shaken.

I will die too. Soon.
Even sooner if I dare.
As I now endure pain beyond even the sharpest knives of despair.

I couldn't save them!
Couldn't keep them safe.
Power being that which endangered them in the first place.

Such power!
Wild and free.
Deep comprehension of the energy
That is life force. And Love.
Animating all things: below and above.

Healing. Knowing. Seeing. Feeling.
Reality revealed sends most men reeling.
Their mental belief in separation and order.
Obliterated.
Oneness. They fear.
That which they will not know.
And so:

Persecute. Rape. Torture. And death.
 And I.
I would gladly give my last breath
For 10 000 lifetimes
And even longer.
For the chance to grow my power even stronger.

Strong enough this time around
To save them all from being found
By these dangerously vacuous and hollow men
Whose logic and absolutes create dangerously armed brethren
Afraid of what can't be grasped by the mind
Of what defies being categorized into this or that kind.

The beautiful Truth?
We are all One.

If I can save myself this time...
Then my ancestral work will be done.
 
Realize the lies.
Actualize the knowing. 
Remembrance. Divine.
 
And I AM. THAT powerful.

(I'm still afraid to post this. Because, well, there is a huge part of my deeply entrenched neural pathways that believes that my power makes me unlikeable, maybe even in danger of persecution. "I don't want to be powerful. I just want you to like me." So I have been hiding a bit. Dimming my light, for you. But you still will like me...right?)

The inspiration to write this up came to me while listening to Rameen's meditation talk. It was so amazing!! Just so good. Take a listen. It'll change your life. "Your life will never be the same again." ;) You can find links to his talks and come practice live with him at The Sattva School of Yoga.




 

Wednesday 18 February 2015

Art as Salvation: A poem

My goal has been to write one poem every day for 30 days. I haven't stayed on track...but I can keep going. Allow the words to keep flowing. Even after the imposed deadline. You see, we can always start over. Again and again and again...being gentle with ourselves. We are enough. Having the discipline to accept myself as I am. The discipline to achieve Self-love.

That went off topic a little. This poem is about the creative impulse, about the Shakti force that animates and colours our world with the ever-new...ever-knew? Who knew? Who knows now? Are we listening yet?

Art as Salvation 

Shower first. Stir the soup.
Sprinkles of morsel sized life sprung straight from the Earth.
Creation's unquenchable thirst
To be given birth
To nourish and simmer
So often stifled by...
How can we remember to make?

That is the question, it would seem.
As we stumble awkwardly through this dream
Called life, love, the multiverse.
The drive to create, to make new,
Allowing inspiration to move through,
Is so often denied.

Enigmatic mind-curse?

Fear? Perhaps.
But WHY do we make?
To please? For reassurance?
For money or Fame's sake?

Perhaps that is what some think.
But try, oh just try, to suppress creative freedom.
Then, do we see clearly the human condition?

We are makers, poeïsis, inventors and dreamers.
Creating works that, via our animated corpse,
Silence all the blasphemers.

As Spirit moves through us, Its eternal trace remains
In all that is written, painted or shaped.
Reality's imprint, ethereally visible to some
Vibrates upon the veil of illusion,
Ever-beckoning us to come.

Come home! Wake up!
And the more you create
The more you'll break free
From this illusory state.

False state of separation
Countries, borders, nation.

Logocentric and ludicrous!!

We truly are all One.
A multiplicity of unshakeable Unity.
And Art?
Art will be our salvation.



I love Van Gogh. And Don McLean. Double art: music and painting. Yoga is art too...yes. Even the way that the guy carrying two gallons of milk the other day smiled at me is art.
 

Thursday 5 February 2015

Write Yourself Alive: Stream of Consciousness

I am participating in this wonderful creative discipline practice called Write Yourself Alive. Today, day 7, 's writing prompt is stream of consciousness...15 minutes...ready...set...GO!!!!

Time check so at 11:03 I stop good now that the illusory time thing is taken care of what is in here in hear in my ear or between them spaces and then between that space too...ooops. Punctuation is allowed for me. Because I'm a rule breaker and a rebel and it is part of my words...how can we distinguish punctuation from words? they're all made up signs that signify nothing an everything all at the same time. Meaning. Made and unmade. For what? To know and feel safe...but what is safer than knowing. Knowing. I know nothing and between love and wisdom....that everything and nothing that we all are. Are we? At all...I mean. I am....I AM...AM I? Sure of that. That I am...how can I be the eternal unspeakable can't be named consciousness births humans like the ocean births waves. If I am a bundle of energy (I really am that) then what is the I? Is it anything at all? Everything and nothing...the problem with dualism...it negates but also doesn't, because of the in between. Between me and my thoughts...between creation and destruction...between you and me. Love. Life. It ALL happens in the in between. Maybe? Certainty scares me...absolutes dogma ideology thinking we have it all or just anything figured out. I glanced at the time....I still have 10 more minutes of this...rambling. MEditation. The guy, Tyler KNott sent a rambling mediation spoken word piece to inspire us. It was a love piece. He wrote the most beautiful and powerful words for a woman he loves. Words that I would give anything to hear directed at me...but they aren't for me. Love. I need love. BUt it is within me...can I write myself a love poem? I can. Yes...I can. And I do. So what is it about outside reassurance? about outside anything...I am enough good enough BUT I still want to fall madly wildy and deeply in love without any holding back or fear of heartbreak with all my all that I am though I only just intellectually get that I AM THAT and so are you and so is everyone so I am you and you are me and we are all wee drops in an endless evershifting sea of familiar love stories, broken hearts, archetypes and myths played over and over again the stories we tell ourselves can become our own personal freedom or our own personal hell...Hell is where I need to go if I want to let go of all these cloaks that I wear each day, keeping me safe. keepin me in. keeping me form showing the power and strength within. they'll hate me if they know what i'm capable of...but so. i don't care anymore...rhythm and power and strentgh bubbling up up up and away. it's you too. the power is you so don't be mad at me for showing it. just shine your own fucking light and quit trying to dim other peoples' we are all inherently powerful...oh! i almost deleted! edited. that would be going too far. darkness. I'm afraid that if I show you the bitter angry one then...then? then what?! stories or not, enough is enough. support each other. bolster each other. why be so selfish with all your love anyway nahko asked that. share it. spread it. like a magic penny. didn't you learn that song as a kid? hold it tight and you won't have any. lend it spend it you'll have so many. love doesn't diminish by being made known. and it can't hurt you. love doesn't hurt not ever not ever. Xavier told me that. it's true. He is true and wise and I am so blessed to be his mother. powerful deep maternal love for all the entire earth and planet and all that is on it. but this maternal love is getting more and more angry and the fire that burns within her is becoming brighter and brighter and i'm not going to quash it anymore. we all need to light up bright up wake the fuck up! mama bears everywhere for the children all the children our children all of ours the animals plants and creatures the microbes even all of it enough is enough is enough no more...ohhhhhh... this anger makes me tired. how to use it effectively? this. this is the challenge. the task. I ask only that you do your work, on yourself. I'll do mine. that I promise. time to wake up, one interconnected individual at a time!

Phewwwwww...it's 11:03...