I Am Powerful

I Am... Fill in the blank. These statements of claiming who and what we are. My dear beloved friend Megan did a Phoenix Rising yoga therapy session with me, to me, on me. At the end she asked that I listen to the deep wisdom within me and then to make an affirmation. And "I Am" statement. The session had been profound and filled with release and shifting energies. As I sat, listening to the guide inside, I first heard the ego saying things. Quickly and uncertainly. Then the still, steady voice rose from beneath the chatter. "I am powerful." My entire body tingles. A lump in my throat. Tears start to fall. No. Not that. I'll say anything out loud except for that. Witness that reaction! Wow. I did say it. Through tears. And Megan held safe sacred space for me. She is powerful too.

So what is this intense fear of my own power? I remember the first time I ever came across the Marianne Williamson quotation. You know the one?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

It was my first year of treeplanting and someone had written this quotation on the outhouse wall. The red one. I think it was beautiful, powerful Kate, but I didn't know her so well yet. Only later would we begin writing the score for our amazing musical/documentary entitled Slash Dance. "Who decides, if the trees will make it through the night?" And of course, "The homosexual...dandy!" And other great song and dance numbers...it would be a fucking cult classic. We still have to make that dream a reality. But I digress.

The first time I saw that quotation, it struck me deep. It was true. It was so true for me. And inspiring. If I let my own light shine, it gives others permission to to the same. Liberation. We are all walking around, "half-dust, half-deity" (Lord Byron). Divinity in you. In me. Let your light shine. Like the kids song!

I wrote a poem. It includes a vision I had, a genetic memory, if you will. Ancestral twine, bound tight. No more fright. I am bringing it to the light. Now.

I AM Powerful

It is dark now. In here.

Damp and cold. Nothing left to fear. 

They are gone. Taken.

Leaving me in a state far beyond shaken.

I will die too. Soon.

Even sooner if I dare.

As I now endure pain beyond even the sharpest knives of despair.

I couldn't save them!

Couldn't keep them safe.

Power being that which endangered them in the first place.

Such power!

Wild and free.

Deep comprehension of the energy

That is life force. And Love.

Animating all things: below and above.

Healing. Knowing. Seeing. Feeling.

Reality revealed sends most men reeling.

Their mental belief in separation and order.

Obliterated.

Oneness. They fear.

That which they will not know.

And so:

Persecute. Rape. Torture. And death.

 And I.

I would gladly give my last breath

For 10 000 lifetimes

And even longer.

For the chance to grow my power even stronger.

Strong enough this time around

To save them all from being found

By these dangerously vacuous and hollow men

Whose logic and absolutes create dangerously armed brethren

Afraid of what can't be grasped by the mind

Of what defies being categorized into this or that kind.

The beautiful Truth?

We are all One.

If I can save myself this time...

Then my ancestral work will be done.

 

Realize the lies.

Actualize the knowing. 

Remembrance. Divine.

 

And I AM. THAT powerful.

(I'm still afraid to post this. Because, well, there is a huge part of my deeply entrenched neural pathways that believes that my power makes me unlikeable, maybe even in danger of persecution. "I don't want to be powerful. I just want you to like me." So I have been hiding a bit. Dimming my light, for you. But you still will like me...right?)

The inspiration to write this up came to me while listening to Rameen's meditation talk. It was so amazing!! Just so good. Take a listen. It'll change your life. "Your life will never be the same again." ;) You can find links to his talks and come practice live with him at The Sattva School of Yoga.