Write Yourself Alive: Stream of Consciousness

I am participating in this wonderful creative discipline practice called Write Yourself Alive. Today, day 7, 's writing prompt is stream of consciousness...15 minutes...ready...set...GO!!!!

Time check so at 11:03 I stop good now that the illusory time thing is taken care of what is in here in hear in my ear or between them spaces and then between that space too...ooops. Punctuation is allowed for me. Because I'm a rule breaker and a rebel and it is part of my words...how can we distinguish punctuation from words? they're all made up signs that signify nothing an everything all at the same time. Meaning. Made and unmade. For what? To know and feel safe...but what is safer than knowing. Knowing. I know nothing and between love and wisdom....that everything and nothing that we all are. Are we? At all...I mean. I am....I AM...AM I? Sure of that. That I am...how can I be the eternal unspeakable can't be named consciousness births humans like the ocean births waves. If I am a bundle of energy (I really am that) then what is the I? Is it anything at all? Everything and nothing...the problem with dualism...it negates but also doesn't, because of the in between. Between me and my thoughts...between creation and destruction...between you and me. Love. Life. It ALL happens in the in between. Maybe? Certainty scares me...absolutes dogma ideology thinking we have it all or just anything figured out. I glanced at the time....I still have 10 more minutes of this...rambling. MEditation. The guy, Tyler KNott sent a rambling mediation spoken word piece to inspire us. It was a love piece. He wrote the most beautiful and powerful words for a woman he loves. Words that I would give anything to hear directed at me...but they aren't for me. Love. I need love. BUt it is within me...can I write myself a love poem? I can. Yes...I can. And I do. So what is it about outside reassurance? about outside anything...I am enough good enough BUT I still want to fall madly wildy and deeply in love without any holding back or fear of heartbreak with all my all that I am though I only just intellectually get that I AM THAT and so are you and so is everyone so I am you and you are me and we are all wee drops in an endless evershifting sea of familiar love stories, broken hearts, archetypes and myths played over and over again the stories we tell ourselves can become our own personal freedom or our own personal hell...Hell is where I need to go if I want to let go of all these cloaks that I wear each day, keeping me safe. keepin me in. keeping me form showing the power and strength within. they'll hate me if they know what i'm capable of...but so. i don't care anymore...rhythm and power and strentgh bubbling up up up and away. it's you too. the power is you so don't be mad at me for showing it. just shine your own fucking light and quit trying to dim other peoples' we are all inherently powerful...oh! i almost deleted! edited. that would be going too far. darkness. I'm afraid that if I show you the bitter angry one then...then? then what?! stories or not, enough is enough. support each other. bolster each other. why be so selfish with all your love anyway nahko asked that. share it. spread it. like a magic penny. didn't you learn that song as a kid? hold it tight and you won't have any. lend it spend it you'll have so many. love doesn't diminish by being made known. and it can't hurt you. love doesn't hurt not ever not ever. Xavier told me that. it's true. He is true and wise and I am so blessed to be his mother. powerful deep maternal love for all the entire earth and planet and all that is on it. but this maternal love is getting more and more angry and the fire that burns within her is becoming brighter and brighter and i'm not going to quash it anymore. we all need to light up bright up wake the fuck up! mama bears everywhere for the children all the children our children all of ours the animals plants and creatures the microbes even all of it enough is enough is enough no more...ohhhhhh... this anger makes me tired. how to use it effectively? this. this is the challenge. the task. I ask only that you do your work, on yourself. I'll do mine. that I promise. time to wake up, one interconnected individual at a time!

Phewwwwww...it's 11:03...