Indecision

I practiced yoga at the Yoga Loft tonight. I signed up for the one month unlimited first time deal. Awesome! I love the vibe. Tonight as I set my intention, my mind was jumping around from possible intention to possible intention. This makes me laugh sometimes. Today I was slightly frustrated with my silly jumpy spastic (and brilliant–my mind told me to add that) mind. Then I remembered my ultimate goal of non-judgement, of compassion for myself. So that became my intention: non-judgement. My practice was kind of silly. I was totally distracted (maybe because teacher is strikingly gorgeous?). But I had fun.

Back to indecision (as in the title of this post). I like to believe that I roll with the punches, that I follow the signs, that I allow myself to go down the path I'm meant to go down (because really, that is all we can do anyways). But sometimes I wonder if I'm really just afraid of making a really important decision and sticking to it. For example, I absolutely cannot imagine ever coming to a point in life where I would have made a decision to have a child. Xavier came when he chose to come and I could not imagine life without him, nor would I want to. But to sit down and say, "Ok, now is the time. I'm ready;" not likely. I also can't imagine deciding to buy a house, choose a career or even figure out what kind of tattoo to get (I love tattoos, some of my friends have the most incredible artwork on their bodies; I could never decide what to get). I'm not even going to decide if my indecision is good or if it is something I should remedy. So there we have it. But I will energize upon this and see what comes up.

Xavier is also indecisive. It's quite hilarious, actually. I can't ask him which books he'd like to borrow from the library, he'll always say "No! I don't want to bring this one. Let me look at some more." So I watch and make educated mama guesses about which ones he'll like and stick them in a bag and check them out. It works out quite well. We also used to let him choose these little $2 sticker pack things. He'd look at them over and over again. 30 minutes went by once until I finally pressured him into making a decision. Then we got to the check-out and he changed his mind. So we grabbed his next choice. Then we walked half-way home and he had a mini-breakdown because he thought yet another one might have been better.

You see, we can do this with all things in life; we can wonder about what might have happened had we made our decisions differently. People say one should have no regrets. I think that life without regret really entails living in the present, in the here and the now. When making decisions I'm going to let both my heart and my mind have a say (and then I'll probably just act impulsively in the end!).