Tuesday, February 14th
“What is Love?...
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.” These lyrics don't really apply, do they? We do hurt the people we love sometimes; often without even knowing it. Maybe these lyrics make more sense if we're talking about self-love. That I could believe. Because truly and deeply, the only person that can hurt you, is you. (I mean this in the most highly and for most of us unachievably enlightened sense). But it makes sense. If you are kind to yourself and if you recognize that all action, thoughts and words, your own and those of other people, are just illusion (maya) then how could we be hurt by them? If you fully and wholly acknowledge and embrace the Self as the unshakable, untouchable, ever-knowing and blissful aspect within all of life (including you) then nothing can hurt you! Nothing! I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of being unhurtable. For now I am feeling loved, blessed, fed and sleepy.
THREE DAYS GO BY...
Saturday, February 18th
Parenting 101: perhaps I should have gone
A very wise lady told me something another wise lady had told her about parenting. She said, “I just tell my kids that I did my best and if I screwed up, well there's always therapy.” We all want what's best for our kids, no doubt. And, inevitably, we all do things that have unintended consequences.
Today my brother was giving me the low down on how I should be raising Xavier. And here's the thing, we didn't get into an argument, we didn't end up fighting and he gave me some pretty solid advice (especially about how to set up an effective time-out). And at least he is saying to my face what it seems like the rest of my family is only hinting at: I don't discipline Xavier properly. I coddle him, indulge him. The thing is, it's pretty much true. Meshon and I never laid out a consistent plan for discipline. For the most part he hasn't needed a lot of discipline. He's a nice kid. But lately he has been getting really frustrated and then lashing out, often violently. This happens more if we destabilize him by changing his surroundings. In short, he demands more control if we move him around (we're at my parents' place taking care of the dogs while they're away–he's been scratching me). In short, I'm going to get some books and make a consistent plan. I'd love to hear any advice you have to give about which books are useful or anything at all. You see, if it takes a village to raise a child, then the conversation aspect of the village we live in is in part an online village. If you notice me doing something that you feel is ineffective or just bad parenting, you can tell me. Please do. I might not totally agree with you but I won't get angry and I will certainly consider and learn from what you have to say.
Sunday, February 19th
Bugs don't bug me...yes they do.
I feel kind of yucky today. Little headache, little upset stomach and generally tired and weak. I also think I'm slightly allergic to the puppers but I'm trying not to admit this to myself. Xavier is also a little extra black under the eyes. Could be a head cold. Dad had one and so did Aunty Melissa and Uncle Booloo. In short, I don't feel very inspired or inspiring. I feel lazy. A hot bath with eucalyptus would feel nice and do me some good, I'm sure. But I might be too lazy even to draw a bath!
From a book called Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: "researchers tell us that human beings have more physical energy at the age of three than at any other time in their life span" and "Discipline with young children involves deciding what you will do and then kindly and firmly following through rather than expecting your child to 'behave.'" Building blocks of positive discipline include mutual respect, understanding the belief behind the behaviour, effective communication, understanding a child's world, discipline that teaches, focusing on solutions instead of punishment, encouragement, and children do better when they feel better.
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