My laptop is filling up. So I finally ordered those photo albums from when Xavier was a baby. But I needed to find a letter that I wrote to him on his first birthday. Searching through journals. I found it. But I also came across my notes from this one magical Saturday when I was blessed by the presence of Manorama. You might be saying it wrong, in your head. It's softer than that. I was saying it wrong too, in my imagination, before she told us.
I explained in another post that I asked her a question. And that she told me to energize on it to get the answer. I just love this idea, of energizing. And when she asked my name, and I said: "Shanna." She replied, having all the Sanskrit etymology available to her, "Yes. Peace can be very brave." I am only beginning to recognize how much of an impact her saying that has had on me, on my journey to self-realization. Courage. The bravery needed to find peace. Peace of mind. Woah!
Here are some other amazing pearls of wisdom that she spoke, and that I jotted down:
"We are all baby gods, but we don't know it."
"Don't become too in love with an idea; an idea is only a way to feel/know."
"You are NOT who you think you are. You are so much more."
She explained that yoga is about a meeting between the self and the Self and that the mind always tells us that everything we meet is "Other." Learning how to say to the mind: "I appreciate you, but I'll take it from here." Living from a Soul place, rather than from an ego place. Like Ram Dass explained about when his guruji, Maharaji, simply asked him to love everybody. At first he thought he couldn't, but then he realized that the Soul does love everybody. So what is required is to learn how to live always from that place, from the place of the Soul.
Yoga is about knowing the difference. Knowing whether the Self or the self is taking charge. Manorama said that: "Meditation is like dating yourself." And that we should get to know ourselves pa-dei pa-dei (little by little, bit by bit...there is truly no rush).
Remembering that 99.9% of those of us embodied are working things out, which is why we're in body. Kindness. We are already whole. You ARE already your purpose. She quoted Sri Brahmananda Sarasvati as having said: "Yoga is the experience of missing nothing."
Meditation is a practice that leads to communion with God. Silence. It is luxurious, yes, like the shirts say, but more importantly: "God speaks in silence, so in silence we understand." Silence being the absence of thinking, when thoughts subside.
Come to where you are. Here. Now. "You can't breathe in the past. You can't breathe in the future." And karma. Krishna consciousness is this place of no crashing. Yogis fall in love with the steady, unwavering reality. Crash. Not = Krish. Na. But we do have crashes in our lives. Karmic ones. Big and little. These can be seen as blessings. "When the thinking mind can't find an answer to why, then you have an answer to go beyond the thinking mind. In this way, the WHY becomes a cosmic doorway." The cosmic mind is pure energy. It is Bliss. Ananda. Joy.
And she carried a copy of I AM THAT. Hers was black and yellow. She quoted from it: "Where there is peace, there is no mind." Maharaj said that in there. The mind tries very hard to stay in control but it does need rest. Your mind is a beautiful wonderful friend. But it is not YOU. You are not your mind. Nor are you your body.
She said: "If you give it all up, you get it all!" Ishvara pranidhana. Faith. This is different from belief I think. Rumi says, "Faith is a flowing." Faith is an action of the soul. Belief can happen on a mental level. Faith necessitates surrender. It requires that we completely let go of control, of any illusion that we have control. And it feels so so so GOOD! And. It is difficult for me to stay in that place. Why? Energize on that :)
The mind always wants what is new. "Want what you have and have what you want." The trick, the difficult discernment is distinguishing the difference between what you WANT and what you want to want...your arrow will fly true and sure if you aim at what it is you WANT...your Soul wants not always what the ego likes.
At the end she asked us to ponder this question: "What are you taking with you?"
I wrote down: "Peace?" With a question mark. And then in brackets, like this: [Shanti Shanna] ... Yoga is not only union, but peace of mind. Or peace by remembering that we are not our minds. We are indescribable. Beyond language. Knowing nothing.
I am so grateful that you continue to share what you know dear Manorama. Thank you. You have honestly touched me, my soul, more than I even yet understand. It is because of you that I have a copy of I AM THAT. And yesterday I came upon this passage (I especially like it because it says that I am a tree, which is just fine by me):
"Words alone can not take you beyond the mind. There must be the immense longing for truth or absolute faith in the guru. Believe me–there is no goal, nor a way to reach it. You are the way and the goal; there is nothing else to reach except yourself. All you need is to understand and understanding is the flowering of the mind. The tree is perennial, but the flowering and the fruitbearing come in season. The seasons change, but the tree. You are the tree. You have grown numberless leaves and branches in the past and you may grow them also in the future–yet you remain. Not what was or what shall be must you know, but what IS. Yours is the desire that creates the universe. Know the world as your own creation and be free." ('76' p. 330)
But the very line that I came across first, when asking for a message, was this: "Q: I understand that these conversations are to be published. What will their effect be on the reader?"
"M: In the attentive and thoughtful reader they will ripen and bring out flowers and fruits. Words based on truth, if fully tested, have their own power."
Words. Based on truth. Power. Language. Meaning conveyed. I earnestly hope to understand, and to remember that I know nothing. Over and over again. Budding leaves. Vibrant green flexibility. Crispier now, colour filled? Or colour gone? Then back to the earth.
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