Lead me dear Truth, to the Heart of What's Real

Familiar feeling. Stuck energy attempting to rise. Tears threatening to release. Mind desperately seeking distractions: coffee, food, public spaces. But the need to release is overpowering even my most time-tested numbing techniques. "Maybe I just burst into tears right here? Right now..."

Write. Now.

Where is True? Dear Truth, I do love you.
So where, oh please where, can I find you?

Inside me? Remind me. Please.
How do I unwind Thee?
From twisted self-trickery.
From neural pathways looped incessantly.
Survive. Belong. Be liked. Be strong.

Yet some fractions of moments
Of stillness and knowing.
I must be my worst enemy.
Which way am I flowing?

Moksha? Or imprisonment?
The choice is always mine to make.
While the complex layers of persona at stake
Preach fear with the temptation of a biblical snake.

My deepest fear: Alone. Pain and grief.
And this deeply engrained, harmful belief
Well I make it come true...

What is it, actually, that I truly fear?
"Stay away. Don't come near!
Leave me alone. I won't stay!"
Every fibre of my being, when approached close enough
Terrified and shut tight. Scaled, hardened and rough.

And they know that somehow
I might lie to myself now
Still attracting those who can't
Wounded soldiers that shan't
Let me in either.

Wounds upon wounds
Damaged minds wired all wrong
But psychic and magic and so fucking strong

Mind-tricks rage against the Self
Inner Being collecting dust on an abandoned heart shelf

Calcified heart.
I can almost smell damp lichen covered rocks
Layered in a crust that when shocked
Shocked by Truth. By Light. By unconditional Love
Does crack just a little
Some shards fall aside
Releasing buried pain that for lifetimes did hide.

Love me! JUST LOVE ME! Will somebody...love me?

This raging voice stuck inside. The cries that it cries. So loud. So intense.
Not subtle or true...
Love me, oh love me, they did and they do.
Deeply and truly
sometimes painful and cruelly.

Heal myself. I know how.
Maybe it will take ten more somethings from now.

I commit to loving Truth.
And so all is revealed.

Love is always right here. And always right now.
So near. So intimately dear...
That I can't seem to notice (maybe I know not yet how?)
Softly. So softly. I am beginning to hear
Gentle sweet whispers. Sounds in my ear...

"You are Ok. You are perfect. You are Beauty and Joy.
You are the Nothing that keeps dancing.
Forever and for always. To make. And to destroy."