Sometimes it is hard to believe in the good things coming

Dreams last night. Wild. From a still point I catapulted, body and soul, up like a rocket. Bursting through the atmosphere. Beyond the protective layer that encircles Great Mother. Terrifying and exhilarating. Is that what it feels to be free?

Ego. Personality. Layers of selves piled upon for safety. For attempts at belonging. For dull, numbing half-aliveness. I thank you dear personas, for all your hard work. Mind too. Thank you. You have tried so hard for me. To create safety and peace. I gave you an impossible task and I am sorry.

This morning, emotions rising. Anger. Pain. Grief. Pressing my forehead against the chilly window pane. Breath and tears adding damp fog to the obfuscation already clouding my view. Yet I see. I see. I watch...releasing the pain of a thousand years. Little by little. Let it flow. Let it flow.

The witness in me. The impersonal Is-ness is sitting more and more steadily. Ever-present, I forget less and less. Who I am. I AM. Emotions come. Pain is processed as my physiology interacts with the energetic forces. I cry. I ache. I collapse. I dance. I laugh. I cry. I dance the dance of being so Being Itself can witness pure wild potential made manifest.

And it is ok. Ok...yes. But...it is not ok too. Nahko's "Love Letters to God" plays on YouTube. The one that shows powerful, beautiful, painful heart wrenching images and scenes from Standing Rock.

My heart breaks. Deeper and deeper the cracks shatter the hardened crust I have built around myself. Tears flow. Xavier is near. I look at him. I know that it is important to release and to cry. I know it is healthy to sit calmly in the depths of inner stillness knowing all is ok while emotions move through. But that is not enough! Not enough in this insane world we are living in; a world where our very lifeblood, our rivers, our lakes, our ecosystems...they must be honoured as sacred once again. I believe in the good things coming. I have to. My babies are SO magical and pure. You are sacred. I am sacred. All of life is sacred. This shall be remembered. And so it is.

I am a warrior. Like Nahko, I think words must be my weapons. I don't yet know how they will fly. But I know that I have to start somewhere. Sometimes silence. But not in the face of today. Here. Now. I am writing. Expressing. And manifesting healing in myself. And others. For the highest good of all.