Tuesday 25 October 2016

First Date!

I had the most amazing experience playing The Wish Game with the help and guidance of a radiant and so filled with Love dear friend of mine, Kathryn. It was an incredible learning and loving experience. Many seeds were planted, many veils lifted, many intentions set. But most pressing of all: the glorious work of developing self-love and self-acceptance.



One of the three tangible homeworks that I had was to take myself on a date! Treat myself the way I would wish to be treated. Talk to myself the way I would wish to be spoken to. Of course, I have a Terran for a baby, so he came along. I totally accept that I come with kids so we were all good on that front!

I decided I'd like to take myself on a lunch date to the Muttart. I chose a day. Thursday. I even went shopping and bought myself new jeans and a new coat! But, as Wednesday night rolled around I started hearing a voice that whispered: "You're being silly. A date with yourself? Won't accomplish anything." And other whisperings too, sometimes louder, sometimes faint. All trying to sabotage my plans for self-love. But I was adamant. I had promised. And Kathryn wants to hear about this date.

Wake up Thursday morning. Kind of excited. Kind of nervous. Kind of trying to neglect actually getting "ready" as one would for a real date. But still, I pushed past the voices, picked out an outfit, put on as much make-up as I own and even made a little braid in my hair.


Mirror Selfie Game: Ready to Go!

I got into the car about 5 minutes later than I had planned. I looked in the rearview mirror and apologized for being late. It was kind of awkward, but I forgave myself. And off we went. I suggested that I listen to an audiobook but then realized I hadn't actually downloaded it. Once I arrived at the Muttart I decided to stroll the grounds for a bit first so that I could visit some old friends: trees! 

Me and a Tree Friend I Had Sat In Circa 2 years Ago

I love trees a lot. I go to them for healing. For advice. And for love. In truth, I trust trees and learn unconditional love from them. I have never once doubted that the trees I relate with love me. That feels good to me. My dear friend Cindy texted me. I know I shouldn't text on dates but I quickly answered her. Then! I found a bee hotel! One of her passions is to save bees so it was all very synchronistic!


Me and the Bee Hotel

Then I felt the urge to walk back towards the parking lot. I noticed a tall tree. Magnificent and beautiful standing alone on the meridian. She beckoned me come nearer. I followed. Then saw the sweetest little lone heart shaped leaf growing from her trunk. Unassuming and so beautiful. A message of Love. You grow it yourself!


Heart Leaf

Heart Leaf and Me

I walked towards the pyramids. As I interacted with nature I told myself things like: "I love how you reach out and touch the living world around you." It felt a little forced but I do really love that about me: how much I embrace Mother Earth.

Touching the Husks

The more I got into this selfie thing though, the more I started negative self talk. Looking at photos. Deleting them. "This coat isn't really that nice." Wrinkles. Imperfections. Narcissistic. All things I said to myself on my date. Not so nice. But still, heart open I continued along.

Look Up; Open Your Heart

The pyramids were filled with life! As always, I have this mixed feeling of enjoying the plants and feeling like they are in glass jails. I began almost hurrying along, wondering when I could end my date. Sort of having fun. Sort of feeling like a ridiculous person. Worrying what people thought I was doing taking selfies; fearing their judgement...which is just my judgement. My inner asshole. Then I saw this sculpture: a reminder that my purpose on this self-love journey is really because I want real human partner love. It's hard for me to admit that. I never used to actually admit that I wanted that. I do. 


"The Proposal" and Me

Terran had fallen asleep. Time for lunch. I briefly thought about cheaping out and not buying myself lunch. But I was hungry. I got out my journal prepared to write about how I had been too busy taking selfies to even be present with myself...that I had failed my First Date with myself. But then I heard a voice say: "That's not true! You had so many magical moments. Wonderful and joyful moments." I ate my lunch and enjoyed each bite. Even had dessert! I learned many things about how I treat myself. About how I make unattainable standards for myself. And, I am proud that I can see a little more of the work I have to do. Loving me. So I can love You.


Terran and His Hugs and Kisses Pants



















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