Coffee dying: a table cloth turned darling

I purchased this table cloth from Goodwill some time ago. I had big plans for it, but it took ages to get around to my project.

First I made a giant pot full of strong black coffee. Meshon was aghast when he saw the amount of coffee I "wasted."

Then I put my table cloth in the sink with some salt and hot water (I think a plastic or glass container may have worked better. The stainless steel might have had something to do with the very slight colour change I ended up with).

And finally you simply dump the coffee in and let it sit for an hour or two. I ran the fabric through the rinse cycle after this because there were coffee grounds everywhere. Use a regular percolator style coffee to avoid coffee ground messiness and then just let it dry and you'll have a lovely vintage coloured garment/fabric!

I simply cut a hole in the middle of the table cloth, did some shirring http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirring, sewed some lacy ribbon on and ended up with a super twirlable little dress. But the first time I tried it I had made it too big around the bust. So I shirred some more; now it's a little tight. Alas, we sew and learn.

Svadhyaya: Self-study, spiritual contemplation

I won a free t-shirt yesterday. I knew the fourth niyama (the yamas and the niyamas are ethical guidelines and are the first steps on the eight rung ladder of ashtanga yoga-not the series ashtanga). When my awesome yoga teacher, Ryan Leier http://ryanleier.com/, asked if anyone knew what the next niyama was I searched my brain and then remembered, svadhyaya. I said it out loud and he said, "You get a t-shirt!"

Then, I failed at satya or truthfulness (the second yama). I didn't say what I meant and I certainly didn't mean what I said. What I should have said is, "Yeay! I really want a shirt! Thanks so much!" Instead, I blurted out, "It's ok. I already have two shirts." This statement in itself is true, sort of. My sister has had both of them for a couple years and they're in rough shape. I would love a new Lion shirt! So then Ryan said that someone who wanted one and didn't have much cash could have it. Which totally makes sense, because I basically refused the prize. Why did I do this!? This problem began taking over my thoughts, my mind. Even within the class I didn't feel right about this play of events. I hadn't spoken truth. But I could make it good. I decided I would like Vinny, who had been my handstand partner, to have a shirt to commemorate his excitement and thrill at going upside down for the first time! Sweet. But when Ryan said to go get the shirt I didn't speak out and say I wanted Vinny to have it. I stayed silent. The guy who ended up with the shirt might be totally deserving of the awesome shirt. Again though, I didn't use my voice well.

So what can I learn from this experience? It's so obvious. The word I recalled, svadhyaya, self-study, led me to contemplate a deeply engrained habitual pattern I have, led me to take a deep look at myself (or at my tendencies, at least). As I get into myself I recognize that I don't like to take things from people. I'm more than happy to give but I don't always like to take. Learning to accept what comes graciously is a skill I hope to gain. As for satya, truthfulness, I'm not sure what to do. My treacherous tongue often speaks before I've taken the time necessary to discover what my truth is. Maybe practicing staying silent before speaking will help.

"And I say, can you say what you mean?And can you mean what you mean what you say?
And can you say what you mean?
And can you mean what you mean what you say?
And can you say what you mean?
Every single day? Whoa, whoa, whoa."

Reflections on Pain

"Life is PAIN, Highness. Anything who tells you differently is selling something." Wesley says this to Buttercup just before they tumble down the cliff and he yells, "AS YOU WISH" revealing his true identity. Pain. Is life pain?

I went to a yoga talk the other night and the subject of pain and suffering was brought up. It's funny. I was in such a joyous moment of my reality that I disregarded the topic a little. You know, thinking it didn't really apply to me. "Oh. I don't suffer. I'm so blessed!" It's true. I am blessed but I suffer too. And I feel pain. Ask anyone close to me how much I complain about by woes, aches and ailments.

I was reminded of this as I sat in meditation yesterday. We sat. And sat. And we sat for a really long time. I certainly have less pain than when I first began meditation. Or at least the pain takes longer before surfacing to rear its burning aching tingling head. Eventually the pain came. It is right under my right shoulder blade, deep deep inside me. I used to get annoyed at this particular pain, wishing it to leave me. Yesterday I realised that the pain was there for a reason. I did or am doing something to make this pain exist. This pain is teaching me something, teaching me to let go. Teaching me to heal. I allowed this pain to be and relaxed into the sensation. I even apologized to the pain for treating it so unjustly, as if it was the pain's own fault for existing. The result was profound. Had I been alone I would have wept uncontrollably. The pain was not gone today but we're getting to know each other better, and I'm being nicer to it now.

Today I had another familiar pain anyways, likely related to the shoulder tension. I awoke with a migraine coming on. I took a shower and an advil. The pain decreased and I headed off to yoga training. The pain never left me all day (except while I was pressing my shoulder blade tension into the corner of a wall) but I tried to relax in the sensation. As I walked home I had had enough. I contemplated phoning my sister to come get me (it would have taken her longer to get to me than it took me to walk home though). I was concentrating so hard on how much pain I was in, on how miserable I was when I realized, "If I stop concentrating so hard on this pain, if I breathe and experience the newly budding leaves on the trees, hear the birds sing, walk to the rhythm of life then I'll get home with much less suffering (and then I can take a hot shower in the dark after eating an advil)." This realization was useful. Even more interesting, perhaps, was the idea that was sparked by my realization about a possible purpose of pain. Perhaps, just perhaps, we have pain to help us learn one-pointed focus or concentration (dharana). I definitely focus on my pain when it's there. One almost cannot help but focus on pain. So pain teaches us concentration? And maybe how to choose when not to concentrate on something. I guess I'm trying to see the bright side of pain, in a way.

So I have some pain and suffering to think about. It does apply to me. Everything I learn and hear applies, is useful, is worthy of pondering (otherwise I wouldn't hear it, I suppose). It's no wonder that when I began reading Ursula K. Le Guin's The Dispossessed today at the bus stop, migraine in head, Shevek had this to say:

"Suffering is a misunderstanding[...]It exists. It's real. I can call it a misunderstanding but I can't pretend that it doesn't exist, or will ever cease to exist. Suffering is the condition on which we live. And when it comes, you know it. You know it as the truth. Of course it's right to cure diseases, to prevent hunger and injustice, as the social organism does. But no society can change the nature of existence. We can't prevent suffering. This pain and that pain, yes, but not Pain. A society can only relieve social suffering, unnecessary suffering. The rest remains. The root, the reality. All of us here are going to know grief; if we live fifty years, we'll have known pain for fifty years. And in the end we'll die. That's the condition we're born on. I'm afraid of life! There are times–I am very frightened. Any happiness seems trivial. And yet, I wonder if it isn't all a misunderstanding–this grasping after happiness, this fear of pain....If instead of fearing it and running from it, one could...get through it, go beyond it. There is something beyond it. It's the self that suffers, and there's a place where the self–ceases. I don't know how to say it. But I believe that the reality–the truth that I recognize in suffering as I don't in comfort and happiness–that the reality of pain is not pain. If you can get through it. If you can endure it all the way." (page 60-61-Perennial Classics ed. 2003)

Is there more truth in suffering? What is comfort and happiness anyways? Is it simply the absence of suffering? If you were truly free from suffering, how would you even recognize comfort? Is comfort not merely the absence of pain? I remember taking a very strong pain killer once when I had a migraine. I think it might have been demerol. My body had never in my life ever been so void of discomfort and has never been so free from pain since.

Is there a thread of beauty in pain? This is what Rameen says, that there is always a thread of beauty inside the pain. "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know." (John Keats) So we've got beauty and truth in pain. But we want to chase our pain? Or do we want to let the pain teach us what it is we need to know?

Earthy Days

On Saturday, the day before Earth Day, we dug up our grass and planted a mini garden in our back yard. Xavier was a little concerned and asked, "But why are we digging up all the grass?" I explained that we couldn't eat grass so we might as well grow something we could eat. He was down with this idea but noted that if we were cows, we would be able to eat the grass. For some reason he was especially excited to plant some onions. Xavier is also very gentle and kind to the earthworms. He would pick them up from the dirt and say, "It's ok. I'll take care of you. I'll put you in this nice dirt over here." Then he'd watch them bury themselves again. I'm not sure what was wrong with the dirt he removed them from in the first place.

Great gardeners, these two guys:

Planting white daisies. They remind me of my Grandma. She used to let me pick the ones behind her house.

 Clump of dirt with an earth worm in it. Xavier kept saying, "I need another earthworm, dig me another clump!"

Planting seeds!

And I think the seeds will all germinate. We've had warmth and rain. I also planted some herbs in toilet paper rolls in a container. They're inside for now. My plan is to put them in a cloth shoe-holder like this one I saw posted somewhere online:

Hopefully my plan will work out. Time to water my toilet paper rolls and then head to bed!

From Sheet to Shirt!!!

I made a fabulous little top this evening out of an old sheet I bought at Goodwill and a pillowcase that was kicking around here, unused. I did not, however, create a step by step tutorial. Forgive me. When I start sewing I become hyper-focused and can hardly wait to see how the finished product turns out. Here is the shirt that Shanna built:

Bahahaha! I think me trying to figure out how to take a picture of myself is worthy of a blog post. At least, once I realized I could turn the timer on, I managed to look like some kind of...I don't even know what that look and pose is all about. I was trying to show the neckline; I look as though brilliant benevolent aliens are coming to get me and I'm offering myself to them. (I made the little cut-off jean mini too).

Anyways, not only do I love my new sheet shirt, I learned some lessons about myself as I sewed along. You see, originally I had used an elastic belt as the cuffs but it looked weird (I did some great ruching though). Now, when things look weird I often just give up instead of getting out the seam ripper. Today I was more realistic about life and sewing. Sometimes you have to try again. And then sometimes again and again and again. This is life, not failure. It's learning. I'm learning.

If you like this little number and want to make one yourself, get this awesomely cool book that Serimuse got for me! It's called The Subversive Seamster http://www.amazon.com/Subversive-Seamster-Transform-Threads-Couture/dp/156158925X. The project is called "This Shirt is the Sheet!" I used the pillow case (jersey knit) for the cuffs and waistband whereas they use suspenders but it's all good. Find something stretchy.

Happy Friday night! Hope you had as much fun as I did ;)

I have nothing to write...

I want to keep up the habit of writing this blog, but I don't know what to write about tonight. Actually, I was sewing the other day and I didn't take any photos of my recreation project so I can't blog about that. It did feel nice to chop up old stuff and turn it into something new. The jean mini skirt I made is just right and the crazy light blue corduroy pants turned tank with brown frilly trim is too sexy for this mama. So I think I should sell some of these creations; problem is, I'm strangely attached to them. I don't know why. I obviously need to do some work on the aparigraha (non-hoarding/non-coveting) aspect of my yoga life. OK, I will. I'll try to sell these creations I will never wear. Or give them away or whatever. I have  a plan to make a shirt out of a sheet and a stretchy belt I got at GoodWill. I hereby promise to do a proper creation blog about it with pictures and how to instructions.

Saturated with Love

I read a book. But it was a reading experience like nothing I've ever had before. I wasn't just reading I was soaking up love and wisdom as I was invited to journey through the gentle stories, lessons and experiences of Swami Rama.

Gentle and loving; honest and humble. Not to mention descriptions of the most fantastic and amazing occurrences. One Sadhu could change matter from one form into another; Swami Rama's master, Bengali Baba, was a healer, as was Swami Rama himself. The stories are fascinating. And here is what Swami Rama teaches about intuition (a huge part of what I propose to study during my PhD...if I do end up beginning a PhD):

"When we have gone through intellectual gymnastics, we find something beyond the intellect. A stage comes when intellect cannot guide us, and only intuition can show us the way. Intellect examines, calculates, decides, accepts, and rejects all that is happening within the spheres of mind, but intuition is an uninterrupted flow that dawns spontaneously from its source, deep down within. It dawns only when the mind attains a state of tranquility, equilibrium, and equanimity. That pure intuition expands the human consciousness in a way that one starts seeing things clearly. Life as a whole is understood, and ignorance is dispelled. After a series of experiences, direct experience becomes a guide and one starts receiving intuition spontaneously" (p. 118).

I am very grateful that I happed upon this book in the library. And I am ever more grateful that this great teacher came to the West and shared his knowledge, ancient wisdom and love. He explains that "all the great religions have come out of one truth" and that the common characteristic was love. He then explains that: "Religion without love is lifeless. To practice love you must not hate anyone, especially those who do not belong to your religion, culture or community" (p. 135).

And I could go on and on quoting at length. Meditate and practice diligently and patiently, without desire for any outcome with the intention of spreading love and doing good for all of creation.