Just a Few Moments

Pressed for time.
Words that rhyme
Don't always carry the most meaning.

Is that what words do?
Carry meaning for you?
Or does understanding seep through
Due to assumptions regarding what is and is not true?

Deep rhythmic rhyming and scheming
Words pulsing, ripe with meaning...
But if they have no hands to carry the intention I set
Do they not simply let
it fall to the earth?

Can we birth unintended forces
by taming the wild horses
of emanations, of vibrations
turning elation into chopped up pieces

Such as: The glory of her arms around my hips, her lips pressed softly against my...

oh my! We can try to describe the experiences of life.

And then send images and sounds bursting forth
watering seeds from the ground of the Source

The sources? What forces really are at play?
Yes. You may hear what I say.
But can we ever really know what we mean?
Do I even? Understand the Joy, the Pain unseen
And still deeply felt.

"Just the Way" A poem for my Grandpa Willy on his Birthday

"Just the Way"

Today. The 14th of November.
I usually remember
Grandma's voice on the line.
(Was I in Japan? Or some other far-away land?)

I can see her sitting peacefully
at her telephone bench (such a novelty when she bought it!)
next to her dial-tone phone with the giant numbers.

She permeates an energy as serene as Heaven must be
as she reminisces.

"Today would have been Willy's birthday." She tells me.
"I made him hot cocoa on the stove with milk, sugar, and real cocoa. Just the way he liked it."

Is that what Love is?
Knowing just the right way to serve our Beloveds?

I spoke with my father, his own father long gone.
"Yep. Dad would have been 105 today."
The measure of years no longer smacks of life ended too soon.

I never knew his sparkling eyes,
never witnessed his happiness as he danced,
never heard his laughter as he played.

I love to dance too. And though I never met you
I caught glimpses of the man you were
Through remembered Merry Dish-mops
Through talk of home made cream puffs
All the good stuff that memories can hold...

But I wonder, what stories would you have told?
Of your childhood? Your siblings?
Did you propose to Grandma with an engagement ring?

She said it was your smile that caught her eye.
She told me you didn't like thin lips.
Don't worry! Ours are all thick and full.

I never did see your eyes shine
But I do know just how they sparkled
For every descendant of your magical Mumm line
Has that twinkle of mischief–the light of Joy Divine.

One poem per day for 40 Days!

On November 11th I began a 40 Day Yoga journey. I think that when I started this blog many moons ago it was with the intention of writing every day for 40 Days.

Today I found myself to be very inspired and wrote 3 poems! That means I could catch up on November 12th, 13th and then have a poem for today, the 14th.

And so, my pledge is to write and post one poem per day for 40 Days.

November 12th:

"Sweeping Up Angels"

Clearing space

Crumbs and dust

Have left their trace

Upon the places we have gathered.

First sift through

Removing the tiny plastic building blocks

Of creation that You,

Beloved children, seem to spew from your pores.

Open closet doors

Finding secret filth cast aside

Left behind for another time where more

Energy is available.

Grains that have fallen from the table

Sprinkled amidst the debris

Food, hairballs, and specks all capable

of building a new empire.

And there, shining amongst the old, tired

particles...a sailboat and the Queen

Two discs refracting light like fire

That shines on a cold dark night.

I gently save them from the plight

of cheerios and dead skin cells

Then place them with the crystals right

Where two Angels might just rest awhile. 

November 13th:

"Residue" 

Refresh. Renew.

I love True! I do.

So why does a plague of uncertainty

Return endlessly to torture me?

I awoke! ...At least some (what?)

Feeling, for the moment, much less glum :D

Filled with potential to rain torrential 

Creativity and Love upon this Earth!

I am rebirth: reincarnation and eternal damnation

Rolled and moulded into one beautiful...

I (eye?)...am Holy, Wholly, woe-ly and slowly...

coming to the conclusion that certainty is an illusion.

Nothing stays the way it was. 

Consciousness is in flux, evolving as do we...

I see, I see...Mind is Alive!

For me to truly thrive

I can let those horses ride!

Without bridle, without reins.

Dancing boldly with wild manes 

flying in the wind.

Free.

I begin to see. 

Control of this cosmic mind is not mine to claim.

Whirling in beautiful concentric circles

Destroying any notions that time could possibly be linear...

But it is!

When we measure it, in minutes, in pauses.

Perhaps I best write myself a constitution with few clauses:

Your constitution is impeccable: change nothing.

The remnants of smoke that intermittently cloud Reality

Offer opportunities to breathe clear again 

To wake, to shake free

Releasing suppositions of what should or should not be.

What is Real? Baby? 

It is certain that you are, and also, please remember, me (too). 

Awaken

Awake in the night
Almost morning light
All right, all right.
I'll write.

Awake at last.
Everything seems a little clearer
Joy and Peace creeping nearer

I am Home.
Not alone.
No sins to atone.

I am Safe.
In this place
Dropping the masks from my face.

I am loved
From above
And all around me too.

You. and you. You too. And three
I see now
And what I allow

Is Kindness. Respect.
No need to direct
The luminous Love of existence
I surrender all resistance.

This is my life!

I am perfectly all right.
And grateful. And proud.
My voice singing out loud

Glory and Joy
Blessed by two Amazing Boys.
Blessed by Love.
Blessed by Family.

I can gently do all that is asked of me.
With humility. With Grace.
Mixing leather with lace.

Enjoying all moments dispersed through space.
Beyond time
Beneath rhyme

Each seeming crime
Was already forgiven since all times when
Life began
When it ends
Time in circles
We can bend our journeys
So that healing the omnipresent Now
Disentangles all pasts somehow <3

So I do.
And I am.
Living each moment as I began.
With Hope. Joy and Love.

Grateful and Connected.
Below and Above.

All circles of Unity
Surrounded by Community

Once we all dare to fly free
So many arms to catch us in fleeting moments of disbelief.

Hearts held sacred.
Hands held dear.

I choose Love, now and always
Over the illusion of Fear.

Eleven Blossoms Strong ("For LOVE")

A symbol. A moment. An ancient heart-song.
Delicate perfection, eleven blossoms strong.
Was the beauty always present within?
Since forever and all along?

Iridescent fabric, weaved by the Divine
Alien faces opening slowly to a strange and unknown world
Bizarre and awkward, such dear tiny beings peering outwards with wonder
Encircled by the glorious protection of their triumphant angel wings

Open your heart! Find the courage to sing!
To bring the light of love
Even amidst the painful sting
Of all we are learning while we journey on this constantly shifting, ever-turning
Mother Earth.

...And nobody said it would be easy...

Still. The Beauty of living is never hidden from view
She always resides in us, around us
Ever-present, She surrounds us.

The Muse. The Source.
The undeniable force that ebbs and flows.
Beginning in sweet, deep slumber
The once dormant explodes!
Into life. And love. She grows and grows.
(Then dies to begin again, so best not wake too slow)

Softly tempting, She reminds us...
To peer out. Remove the veil.
Dare to See and be Seen.
To connect in heart-centered intimacy,
Is to awaken from the dream.

A dream of separation. A dream of alone.
There really is nothing wrong with You.
You have no sins to atone...

For...For? What are we for?

I already know. I was told a few years ago
By the angel I birthed, His wisdom aglow:

"You are for what everyone is for, mama.
For LOVE."

Lead me dear Truth, to the Heart of What's Real

Familiar feeling. Stuck energy attempting to rise. Tears threatening to release. Mind desperately seeking distractions: coffee, food, public spaces. But the need to release is overpowering even my most time-tested numbing techniques. "Maybe I just burst into tears right here? Right now..."

Write. Now.

Where is True? Dear Truth, I do love you.
So where, oh please where, can I find you?

Inside me? Remind me. Please.
How do I unwind Thee?
From twisted self-trickery.
From neural pathways looped incessantly.
Survive. Belong. Be liked. Be strong.

Yet some fractions of moments
Of stillness and knowing.
I must be my worst enemy.
Which way am I flowing?

Moksha? Or imprisonment?
The choice is always mine to make.
While the complex layers of persona at stake
Preach fear with the temptation of a biblical snake.

My deepest fear: Alone. Pain and grief.
And this deeply engrained, harmful belief
Well I make it come true...

What is it, actually, that I truly fear?
"Stay away. Don't come near!
Leave me alone. I won't stay!"
Every fibre of my being, when approached close enough
Terrified and shut tight. Scaled, hardened and rough.

And they know that somehow
I might lie to myself now
Still attracting those who can't
Wounded soldiers that shan't
Let me in either.

Wounds upon wounds
Damaged minds wired all wrong
But psychic and magic and so fucking strong

Mind-tricks rage against the Self
Inner Being collecting dust on an abandoned heart shelf

Calcified heart.
I can almost smell damp lichen covered rocks
Layered in a crust that when shocked
Shocked by Truth. By Light. By unconditional Love
Does crack just a little
Some shards fall aside
Releasing buried pain that for lifetimes did hide.

Love me! JUST LOVE ME! Will somebody...love me?

This raging voice stuck inside. The cries that it cries. So loud. So intense.
Not subtle or true...
Love me, oh love me, they did and they do.
Deeply and truly
sometimes painful and cruelly.

Heal myself. I know how.
Maybe it will take ten more somethings from now.

I commit to loving Truth.
And so all is revealed.

Love is always right here. And always right now.
So near. So intimately dear...
That I can't seem to notice (maybe I know not yet how?)
Softly. So softly. I am beginning to hear
Gentle sweet whispers. Sounds in my ear...

"You are Ok. You are perfect. You are Beauty and Joy.
You are the Nothing that keeps dancing.
Forever and for always. To make. And to destroy."

Sometimes it is hard to believe in the good things coming

Dreams last night. Wild. From a still point I catapulted, body and soul, up like a rocket. Bursting through the atmosphere. Beyond the protective layer that encircles Great Mother. Terrifying and exhilarating. Is that what it feels to be free?

Ego. Personality. Layers of selves piled upon for safety. For attempts at belonging. For dull, numbing half-aliveness. I thank you dear personas, for all your hard work. Mind too. Thank you. You have tried so hard for me. To create safety and peace. I gave you an impossible task and I am sorry.

This morning, emotions rising. Anger. Pain. Grief. Pressing my forehead against the chilly window pane. Breath and tears adding damp fog to the obfuscation already clouding my view. Yet I see. I see. I watch...releasing the pain of a thousand years. Little by little. Let it flow. Let it flow.

The witness in me. The impersonal Is-ness is sitting more and more steadily. Ever-present, I forget less and less. Who I am. I AM. Emotions come. Pain is processed as my physiology interacts with the energetic forces. I cry. I ache. I collapse. I dance. I laugh. I cry. I dance the dance of being so Being Itself can witness pure wild potential made manifest.

And it is ok. Ok...yes. But...it is not ok too. Nahko's "Love Letters to God" plays on YouTube. The one that shows powerful, beautiful, painful heart wrenching images and scenes from Standing Rock.

My heart breaks. Deeper and deeper the cracks shatter the hardened crust I have built around myself. Tears flow. Xavier is near. I look at him. I know that it is important to release and to cry. I know it is healthy to sit calmly in the depths of inner stillness knowing all is ok while emotions move through. But that is not enough! Not enough in this insane world we are living in; a world where our very lifeblood, our rivers, our lakes, our ecosystems...they must be honoured as sacred once again. I believe in the good things coming. I have to. My babies are SO magical and pure. You are sacred. I am sacred. All of life is sacred. This shall be remembered. And so it is.

I am a warrior. Like Nahko, I think words must be my weapons. I don't yet know how they will fly. But I know that I have to start somewhere. Sometimes silence. But not in the face of today. Here. Now. I am writing. Expressing. And manifesting healing in myself. And others. For the highest good of all.